Not my style of music.....

Here we are (minus Hockey boy) at a Carrie Underwood concert last night. This is not the typical show that our family attends...we are more known to go to a Casting Crowns Concert, Relient K, Michael Card, or even Phil Keaggy; but attending a country (even pop country) concert has never been on our agenda. That all changed when my sweet man saw an advertisement for a Carrie Underwood Concert in Wilkes Barre, and knowing the girls loved Carrie Underwood, there was no hesitation on his part to order tickets.

Well the appointed night came, and off we went to see what the evening had in store. My sweet man was making jokes about "watching" the show, but as for the music, I was surprised he didn't bring ear plugs. My own history gave me a tainted view of popular country music, but I did sort of enjoy Carrie's first CD, and felt that despite the electric steel guitar, thought it was a good work. So as we waited for the show to begin, after purchasing pins, key chains and a poster, the opening act came on. Here was this young man, Josh Turner, with a voice like I'd never heard. The only problem for me was the obviously country sound of the music. But that is not what caught my attention, it was the words. Here were songs about family, loving his wife, him and God, and many references to church bells ringing. These were not the country lyrics of my childhood, where the common themes were cheating spouses, trucks, rose gardens that were never promised, and references to divorce, before it was so common place. To my surprise, this music was lyrically pretty wholesome, and for the most part, family friendly.

Which leads me to my current dilemma. I can't get over the sound that is sometimes a little too "country" for my liking, but I am compelled to give this genre a second look. For years I have been terribly condemning, and now feel I need to at least consider that it may be a better alternative than some of the pathetic popular music coming across most rock and roll radio stations. Who wouldn't be drawn to words of hope for the family, commitment in times of trouble, and love for our Creator? No, I will probably never be a crazy fan of this music, but I can no longer write it off without giving it a fair listen. I just hope I can tune out the steel guitar, and focus on the meaning behind the music.

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Parenting....life's little challenge

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Tonight was Hockey Boy's last game of his inaugural season as a Maine Endwell player. It has been a good run, and I am so proud of him. It gives me a moment to pause and consider how he has blessed my life, and I would not be the person I am, had it not been for the privilege of becoming his mom on that warm August day in 1992.


Most people that know me well, know that parenting was not in "my plans." I enjoyed kids, especially teen agers, but the thought of becoming a parent to my own children, was not even on my radar. Yes, I was thrilled to be marrying the man of my dreams, and we had fleetingly discussed the idea of children, but certainly had not made any real plans. But God saw things very differently. Only seven short months after we married, we learned we would be adding to our new family. Talk about a shock. We were unable to speak for nearly two weeks as we considered the changes that would quickly come to our family. We had barely had the time to meld together as a married couple, and now we were looking at having a baby. Only God could have orchestrated that, and only God could have brought us to this point in our lives, where we are now parents of three amazing and healthy children.

Parenting has not been something that came naturally to me. I'm pretty selfish by nature, and being an only child, well, the whole world pretty much centered around me. Then the fact that I came from a broken family, moved around between various relatives, and finally ended up living with my dad and his second wife made for a little lack of discipline and stability on my part. I feared from the very beginning that I would screw up any children I had, so I had no business becoming a parent. But there I was, married (thankfully) on the verge of having a baby.

Now, nearly 16 years later I still believe I have no business being a parent. However, again, God must have had different plans. I am so thrilled to be a mom, and if I had planned my own destiny, I would have missed out on this awesome and scary privilege. Thankfully that did not happen. I don't love all parts of parenting, and I sometimes wimp out when there are tough decisions, and I struggle to set limits. However, I am not alone in this endeavor. I have an amazing husband and helpmate, and a God that loves my children even more than I do. If I look to Him for direction, He will freely give it.

So as this parenting endeavor continues, I look forward to more hockey games, school events, gymnastics lessons, sleepovers, and concerts. To think I would have missed out on all of this makes me cringe, and I again thank God for His sovreignty and for the gift of my children.

Why do we hurt the ones we love.....

Something I will never understand is how we tend to bring home our ugliest behaviors to the people that mean the most to us. How is it we give our "best behavior" to our work, or our school, or some other place we function, yet once we are home in our "safe place" we do the unthinkable, and wound those nearest and dearest to our hearts. I can't count the number of times I wish I could take back a word spoken without thinking, or a thoughtless action. But thankfully, not only are the ones we love always "there" for us, they always are willing to forgive, when we mess up. I'm so glad for my sweet man, and for his patience with me. I am also glad that the one thing I learned in our premarital counseling, was to never be afraid to ask for forgiveness....and to do so with our children as well.



It is always worth the moment of confession, no matter how difficult, to eventually return to a place of safety with whoever I have harmed. I hope that as I continue to grow in my faith, and mature as a believer, that I will not let my pride and my "rights" get in the way. The popular worship song can apply here in a family, "Better is one day in our home, better is one day in our house, than thousands elsewhere...." I hope that that will always be true for our family. That despite moments when we wound one another, that our home can once again be a safe place, even a safe harbor, after a stormy season. With Jesus as my guide, and His word, I know that even when pain occurs, He helps us through the storm, to the peacefulness of sweet reconciliation. Amen.

My son the HS Hockey Player

Check out some video from one of his recent games. Hockey boy is Number 28.

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Love what you do....?

I listened to part of a program by Chip Ingraham from Living on the Edge the other night. He was exploring the idea of our work, loving what we do, and such. As I heard part of it, I was putting together my AVON order and really only half listening. But now, as I reflect on the little bit that made it's way to my consciousness, I am wondering, do I truly love what I do? I said so in my profile, but tonight, I'm not so sure. After several days of dealing with a stressful situation on my case load, I realize that I am severly limited in my ability to really make a difference in the most traumatized of children with whom I work.

So, I am wondering, do I love what I do? Am I truly called to this "work" that I espouse to enjoy so much? Or is it just something that happened to me. I do believe that God has his plans for each of us, but tonight I am wondering if I got off course somehow. I really don't like many aspects of my job, and I am not necessarily a good communicator in stressful scenarios. I also won't take many risks either. Yet, I regularly ask families to take a "chance" and try to work with certain difficult children. I ask parents to be patient, when I sometimes lack patience.

On the other hand, when I recently took a test about my gifts, it showed that I had the gift of mercy. In some ways I do offer mercy to the situations I encounter, and I work hard to be encouraging and supportive. And I do listen, usually fairly well, and can help people see the good in very tough life circumstances.

One thing I did realize again on my way home from work, as I tried to "decompress" some of the stress that was hanging over me, was that I can't do any of this in my own power. It really all does come back to God, and His plan for the children with whom I work. The best thing that I can do for these vulnerable ones, is to ask that God would be in control of their situation, and work out the details in a seemingly impossible situation. I had to lay at our creator's feet the things that have eaten at me all day. I have to really trust that He will work "all things" together for His good....yes I know there is another part to that verse, about him doing this for those that love God. I realize that maybe not all of the kids and families with whom I work have an ongoing relationship with our Lord, but because I do, and I think of these little ones as "mine," I believe that God can and will still work out His purposes in their little lives, eventually.

Maybe that is really at the core of knowing if our job is ordained by God himself, that we can do whatever it is as "unto the Lord." In the end, I don't always know if I am doing my best, and yes, I get caught up in the details. However, I choose to trust Him that for today, I am in His plan and fulfilling His purposes through my work. So, with that said, maybe I don't always love my job, but I am reminded that I can always trust Him to be with me in my job, and can do my best, simply because it is pleasing to Him.

Everybody needs a friend

Let me start by saying, I am not a "dog" person. I do not dislike them, but I would never go out of my way to own one. That all changed in April of 2006. After being badgered by our daughters, and our family became the proud owner of not just an adopted cat named "Baby Cow," but we adopted from a shelter a mixed breed black lab we affectionately named "Sophi Christy." She was a gentle soul, who wasn't much for playing or chasing balls in the yard, and other than getting out once and eating a neighbors chicken, she was a wonderful pet. What would later happen to our dear "Sophster" as my husband affectionately called her, would forever change my view of animals. They somehow come into our lives and make us better persons, if we let them. Sophi was loyal, gentle, and never a serious bother. She wanted little more than to lay on our couch, greet us when we returned home, and have a tasty treat now and then.

Just a few days before Christmas, in the middle of the night, Sophi came up to our room to arouse me. Not one to like being woken up, I chose to pet her head, and invited her to lay on the floor at the foot of our bed. A treat normally reserved for when either my husband or I were away overnight. Somehow between the hours of 3 a.m. and 5:30 a.m., she managed to arouse our daughter, her primary caregiver, and would eventually get me up again. Sophi was leaving little "pools" of phlegm all over the floor, and coughing. So I, and my trusty internet search engine, looked up coughing and phlegm. After a little searching, I thought I had the answer, possibly Kennel cough, and went off to take my shower and get ready for the day. What would happen in the next few hours is just a little glimpse of the how quickly life can change. By 7:30 a.m., it was painfully clear that Sophi was much sicker than a simple cold. She had made it to her bed in the living room, and was very still, barely breathing. A call to our wonderful veterinarian would confirm that we needed to get her to him as soon as possible, but that even if we did, it may already be too late. So we packed her in my son's drum box, blanket and all, and drove the 25 minute ride to the vets office. Somewhere between our home, and the office, we lost her.

I never would have thought I would cry over a dog, and those of you that are dog lovers, I certainly don't mean to offend. I simply grew up on a farm, with dozens of various animals, and was never terribly attached to any of them. But now, this was different. This was our Sophi, and she hadn't done anything to deserve this, and she was just gone. Even now as I write this over a month later, I still can not believe she is gone. She was such a sweet gentle kind soul.... and she taught me patience, and that I could love an animal. Maybe not with the same intensity of loving my children, but in a different way. Sophi never expected too much from me, a little food, a pat on the head, and to be let out on occasion to do her business. She was faithful, though. Sophi made me a better person, and taught me that we don't always get what we deserve.

What a lesson that is for us as believers in Jesus, who know in a very real way we do not get what we deserve. No, we get just the opposite, which is grace, and forgiveness. Most animals I know don't understand the concept of holding a grudge and don't have a clue about being manipulative or in hurting others, either accidentally or on purpose. No, Sophi was the picture of forgiveness and grace. I might forget to take her outside to "do her business," but would she make a mess all over the carpet to get me back? Never. She was so sensitive, that she chose to find the one place in the house where there was concrete, to relieve herself. Did she whine or beg? Never. She would just wait. She trusted us to take care of her needs. And we certainly tried to do so. I only regret that in the end, we had to say good bye too soon.

Indeed, Sophi has taught me a lot, and my life is richer for having had her in it. The obvious question from my daughters was, "can we get another dog?" To which I replied, "Not yet....I'm not sure I can let myself love another dog yet." Though chances are, some spring or summer day, we will likely be visiting a shelter to find a dog that needs a home, or rather, we will be trying to find a dog that can continue to teach us the same lessons that Sophi was able to do in her short life. I'll never be a believer that animals are more important than humans in the grand scheme of things, but I finally realize they certainly do play an important role in the lives of humans. We should take care to try and learn to trust in the Lord, in the same way that Sophi was able to trust us.

It seems as though more and more people in my circle of influence are dealing with a mental health issue, either their own or of someone near and dear to their hearts. So just I think no one understands, lo and behold, I encounter someone else who intimately understands the struggle of depression or anxiety, or addictions.

We live in a fallen world, with other fallen people. And though we so often pray for God to remove the "thorn" in our flesh, or the flesh of someone we love, it is becoming clearer and clearer to me that God chooses to allow this thorn, for His purpose. I don't claim to understand, but somehow I am coming to believe that each part of our lives truly have God's finger prints all over them....and each thing somehow is for the purpose of drawing us closer into relationship with Him. At least I hope so. I refuse to believe that my God would "toy" with us humans for the sake of seeing us suffer. Instead, I think that He allows suffering so that we will really understand that we desperately need to rely on HIM to bring us through the particular "storm" in which we find ourselves. No, God does not sit on His throne watching for who he can pick on. Instead I believe He is waiting for us to cry out to Him in total repentance and total submission to HIS will...no holds barred. The "thorn" may still be within us, but more importantly, God Himself, through His son Jesus Christ is within us, before us, behind us and beside us. No "thorn" can truly compete with God....and once we truly believe this and live in this truth, God's purposes in our lives will be fulfilled. Although we may still "suffer," we do not suffer alone, but beside the one who heals every sorrow and wipes every tear.
May you be well, and seek Jesus, and draw close to Him, as you learn to live with this "thorn."