One of my favorite Worship Leaders, Paul Baloche, has a song that seems to be running through my head again today, even though I am somewhat overwhelmed by my circumstances.
"You have been so good to me
You have been so good to me
I came here broken, you made me whole
You have been so good, you have been so good to me.
You have been so good to me
You have been so good to me
I came her mourning, you gave me joy
You have been so good, you have been so good, you have been so good to me
How can I thank you , there is just no way
How can I thank you , Lord how can I repay
for your kindness for your tenderness
for your constant presence here with me....."
Given all my blessings, the many ways God has touched my life....when the hard things of life happen I should not be so surprised. If I am willing to accept His goodness for my blessing, should I not also accept His troubles for my growth. Besides everything is not all about me. Bad things happen to good people! But God can redeem even the horror and troubles of life.
I think that it just might be possible that trials come into our lives in order to simply draw us closer to our Creator. I am a slow learner, and though I recognize He desires to be in intimate communion with me....sometimes it takes a trial or tragedy to bring me to my knees. Maybe that is the whole point of the Salvation message...Christ died to save me, but also to draw me into communion with His Father...my Father. Relationship. That must be the point. Too often I run through my day without really "needing" God. But that is simply not true. The reality is that I need HIM every moment of every day.
So, truly Lord, "You have been so good to me...." and for that I just thank you and rejoice in the fact that despite myself, you love me and desire to be in relationship with me. Awesome!!!
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Now I understand.....
Why is it that sometimes God has to hit us over the head with a boulder to make us listen to HIM and listen to our own heart. Sometimes I am "running just to catch myself..." as the popular Mark Schultz song goes. Because I obeyed God's call...and that of Jim and Mike, I found myself right where God wanted me to be last weekend. Not only did I have the privilege of serving HIM in the capacity of Worship/Music Leader, but I had the ability to listen to my heart.
I guess that I didn't realize I was still struggling with grief and loss. It has been two and a half years since I lost my mom to COPD. Her death was sudden, but not really unexpected. It is not that I haven't cried and felt the loss. But at the time, I just plowed on and attended to all of the necessary details. The funeral, the finances, cleaning out the apartment, storing her things...later on cleaning out her things and sorting and claiming and passing on.
It took a request of a song.."Just a Closer Walk with Thee" by a new Koinonian to bring me to the realization that I still had to look at my loss and try to come to terms with it. I also remembered how much my mom loved KOINONIA. Working on a weekend in nearly any capacity was such a joy to her. She grew in her personal faith because of her involvement in Koinonia. And each time she went, it was a new reminder of God's love for her. The people in Koinonia loved my mom, and she knew that. I suspect she reasoned that if they could love her, there could no longer be any doubt in her mind that God loved her even more.
As we sang that little song on Sunday morning, I was overcome with emotions...to the point that I could really not pull it together. Even when I cry and become overwhelmed when leading worship, I can usually pull it together. Seldom do I sob outloud....but I couldn't keep it in and out they came. I knew in that moment that God was pleased, that HE loved my mom...and that once again, HE loved even me. I felt HIS overwhelming presence in that conference room...and felt in some strange way a nearness to my mom again.
My emotions took over once more in a later session in that same conference room, when even though I had not planned to say a word, I knew I had to share what God had done in my heart earlier that morning. I think the message I wanted these new Koinonians to hear most of all was that God not only loved them beyond all belief, but that He desired that they remain in community with each other, as well as himself. I hope I was able to spit out that message....because I felt it was directly from HIM.
Again, I am so blessed. I truly want each of you that stumbles upon this post to know one undeniable fact....GOD loves YOU and desire to know you and for you to KNOW HIM!!!! Just the fact that HE would love me (and you) is amazing, but now to relish in the truth that HE wants to meet with you daily....in every minute of every moment. It doesn't get any better than this!!!! GOD LOVES YOU....don't ever forget it!!!!
I guess that I didn't realize I was still struggling with grief and loss. It has been two and a half years since I lost my mom to COPD. Her death was sudden, but not really unexpected. It is not that I haven't cried and felt the loss. But at the time, I just plowed on and attended to all of the necessary details. The funeral, the finances, cleaning out the apartment, storing her things...later on cleaning out her things and sorting and claiming and passing on.
It took a request of a song.."Just a Closer Walk with Thee" by a new Koinonian to bring me to the realization that I still had to look at my loss and try to come to terms with it. I also remembered how much my mom loved KOINONIA. Working on a weekend in nearly any capacity was such a joy to her. She grew in her personal faith because of her involvement in Koinonia. And each time she went, it was a new reminder of God's love for her. The people in Koinonia loved my mom, and she knew that. I suspect she reasoned that if they could love her, there could no longer be any doubt in her mind that God loved her even more.
As we sang that little song on Sunday morning, I was overcome with emotions...to the point that I could really not pull it together. Even when I cry and become overwhelmed when leading worship, I can usually pull it together. Seldom do I sob outloud....but I couldn't keep it in and out they came. I knew in that moment that God was pleased, that HE loved my mom...and that once again, HE loved even me. I felt HIS overwhelming presence in that conference room...and felt in some strange way a nearness to my mom again.
My emotions took over once more in a later session in that same conference room, when even though I had not planned to say a word, I knew I had to share what God had done in my heart earlier that morning. I think the message I wanted these new Koinonians to hear most of all was that God not only loved them beyond all belief, but that He desired that they remain in community with each other, as well as himself. I hope I was able to spit out that message....because I felt it was directly from HIM.
Again, I am so blessed. I truly want each of you that stumbles upon this post to know one undeniable fact....GOD loves YOU and desire to know you and for you to KNOW HIM!!!! Just the fact that HE would love me (and you) is amazing, but now to relish in the truth that HE wants to meet with you daily....in every minute of every moment. It doesn't get any better than this!!!! GOD LOVES YOU....don't ever forget it!!!!
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